Live a little before you settle, you’re far too young to know.. far, far too young to know…

I doubt I could possibly be more disappointed and let down over my home life right now…

No, not the homelife of the home i live in with my boyfriend and his family who’ve become my own… but with my own actual family and the way our relationships have become tangled and mutilated. The first thing they jump to when I start to ask what the fuck is happening and what on earth do they think they’re doing is ‘you weren’t here’ … you’re right, I wasn’t, I moved away from home, got a job, met a boy, fell in love, turned twenty-two.. I’m a grown up.

So, in my absence what has happened to my family.. They’ve grown up too.. they’re (most all) adults & teenagers, they’ve their own interests & kind of their own lives (sometimes they’re so involved everyone else’s lives it’s hard to say they have one of their own!) But that’s how families are, love it or hate it..

Since I ‘left’ it’s hard to stay involved.. but even harder yet when once you’re involved to interject.. intervine, in what seems to be troubling or unusual behavior. To call someone out, to be worried about the status of, stability of, and future of your family, without being the bad guy. Because what the fuck would i know?! How about this? I may not have been at home for the last three years, but before that I spent 19 years living with, loving, knowing, and caring for the lives of of 9 other people.. that now some have seemingly changed their personalities to the point of being unrecognizable, our common ground is our blood type, and fuck me for trying to get involved, mock my lifestyle, say I’m controversial, a bad influence, talk behind my back, ask for advice and then ignore it… fuck, I don’t give a fuck. The sad part is you’re too blind to see the damage you’re doing to yourself and to those around you… the lives around you are ones that I also care dearly for, easily impressioned lives, easily scarred, easily damaged…

So while you’re busy being taken away, involved, obsessed, wrapped up in, consumed in this new personality of yours that you adore so much… think of the lives you’re effecting, in the not so positive way that you imagine.

But what do I know about anything? I’m just another lost adult looking for their way in life, nothing valuable to offer.

Maybe you should pray for me? How about this?

Don’t fucking bother, and good fucking night.